If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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