the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
