New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dick very happy bro
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