Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
