I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
