take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
