I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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