conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
