I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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