Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize