her vagine was all disorganized.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
