Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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