I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
