Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
