This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this just has baby written all over it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
