I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't make out with my wife yet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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