I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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