You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
