Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
