nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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