Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
