nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
