I need help removing her.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
