this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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