you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
