I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
