It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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