She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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