You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
