Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
