we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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