Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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