you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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