Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
