This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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