the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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