by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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