if you like me you must not know who I am
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
