So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
