Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
