they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
