They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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