you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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