I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
