Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
