drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
