I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
