the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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