I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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