Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
