this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
