I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
