how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
