He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize