listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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