He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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