Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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