Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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