god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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