Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
