i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize