You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize