Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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