wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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