Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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