oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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