I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
