just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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