If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
