my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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