Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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