It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize