I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
