we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you had me at cake vodka
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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