Porn is love you can see.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
