i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
