wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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