awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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