would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
