Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's rum buckets o'clock
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
