i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize