The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
