I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
