I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
