Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
