normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my shit smells like andre
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
