I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need to align my fucking chakras
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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