Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
