her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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