dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
