you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
