she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
